Why would he do this to me?
I tried to be the best I could, I guess it just wasn't good enough, not even all the music in the world could explain what I'm feeling.
I have so many questions.
Why did you go?
Why did you come around in the first place?
Was that all you wanted?
You have my heart in your hand, and you're squeezing tigher as you walk away.
How could this happen?
I never saw it coming.

I'm sorry.

Tags: him alone girl distress crying sadness d
Current Location: home, still.
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: JB

And a lot has changed.
No more boyfriend #1.
After some events, crush boy said he was no longer interested.
On my way to a festival I met some spanish boys and I got to know one of them, and now, it's all about that.
He asked me in his cute broken english to be his girlfriend for the month.
I said yes, because, what've I got to lose?
It's one month.

Tags: spanish boyfriend break up girlfriend fe
Current Location: hommmez
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: nada

I would bring you!
As, I would love to bring the whole population of you that reads this, (my mom), I would have to say truthfully, if I were exiled to space I would bring, my camera for sure, perhaps some candy corn and a stereo (I wonder if they get FM).
This of course, would be completely impossible, however, to be able to lay down on Mars or Jupiter and gaze up at the millions of stars and the galaxy I can't see from my pitiful apartment in this downtown area, I would try and count them all, dream about life, the fun things that come with being able to just be with yourself in a state of utter peace. 
I would load up my suitcase with books and pens and notebooks and a video camera to document myself, and mark my thoughts.
Assuming I make it back to earth someday, I would love to see what was going on when I got the chance to ignore every distraction, and just, be.

Brilliance. 

Tags: exile, space, writer's block
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Journey - Faithfully

 My MSN is a pretty simple place. I have a lot of friends, but only converse with a minute few of them. As of this past year (2008) and the school year that took place during it, I met a guy, who I was very much attracted to, and you tend to avoid the flaws, or just communicate on a purely skin deep level, but as soon as I saw the real him come out, it was not what I expected. He is vindictive.
The exact word I would choose for him.

He needs to be right, with the last word, the harder punch, the bigger fault, the best of the best, he can never just be an average guy.
I don't expect the best from anyone, but his arrogance is just impossible.
I would do anything to have never met him right now.

Help me to move on?

Tags: 2008, arrogance, boys, crush, ignorance, school, vindictive
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: Girlicious (wtf?)

As I walked down the streets of my damp neighborhood after a much needed rain, I stood at the bottom of my steps thinking, the rain hasn't changed much, better get this over with. The mother needed some much deserved dinner, and the night also marked my first exam in history ever completed. As I walked, my music was playing in my ear, just loud enough to keep my mind occupied. I finally reached the Thai restaurant and realised that disliking the heat outside, was nothing compared to the heat that was caused due to the cooks in the back of the shop. I walked in without my glasses, blind as a bat, and smiled and gave a warm greeting to the man at the front, whom I thought was my trusty good ol' front man, whom I've grown to know and like, but I was mistaken, as this was a new time I had ever been to the restaurant, I realised, that "my man" didn't live all hours in the restaurant, and there must be others on duty sometime, so a new face greeted me equally as warmly back. As we stumbled through my order due to the frequent errors in communication due to us both having accents (mine Canadian, and his Taiwanese) I finally got it all out, and was smiled at like every other time by the man in the back, who cooks my food, and always gives me an extra shrimp!

I sat down and prepared myself for the 10 or so minutes I was to be seated here in this restaurant waiting for my food. I was seated facing away from the counter, not intentionally, and I feel a light tap on my shoulder, and the cute Taiwanese man hands me a foam cup of water and ice and I thanked him (not enough) for the nice gesture. I then thought to myself, two cute Thai boys with decent jobs. Cute prospects! However, I am currently still in my relationship with the love of my life, and the stupidest kind, a goalie. Who chooses to stand in front of fast moving objects? He's a unique kind of guy.

So, I'm on my way home, and for once the long-time stoplight is working in my favour and on my way in and out the light was green, so I crossed the street and walked up my old schools street, and then turned onto my familiar path to go home, which is now a mess with construction workers, and I mean, I can't complain about the younger ones, but the older ones I'll leave for my mom! (Just kidding!)

As I was almost home, to my nice air conditioned house, a small blue car slows as it drives past, and all windows go down, and there I am, face to face with a car full of four young cute guys! But, kept my eye on the prize, Thai food when I get home!

So I continued walking, flaunting my stuff as I walked, feelin' good, and I returned home to find my mom in the same place she was when I left, thanking me for getting the food, and I realised, that it was worth that time just to do something nice for my mom and get complimented on a day when you aren't dressed to impress.

It was a good day.

Tags: boys, cute, food, hot, life, thai, weather
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: My loves voice

What am I doing? I finally know.
I used to flirt with other guys, lead them on, and all the while, the love of my life was devoting himself to me. I finally learned that I can't just do that, I have grown up, and moved on from that immaturity. I love him, and I can't see myself without him, so, heres to the one I love. For staying the one I love.
I've also learned that people always think that it is harder to try and find someone when you have never experienced love. I'm here to tell you, it gets harder. If the one you love, and I mean, truely love, leaves you. You will feel a pain like no other. There is no comparison to the loneliness you will feel. Be warned, if you have someone, keep them close, I could never imagine being without him.

Loved, and never lost,
Antoinetta

Tags: love
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Paramore